Do you go by Mike or Michael?
Either. And yes, I do relish the anxiety that this answer causes you.

Haha, but which do you prefer?
I like both just fine.

I had a poor experience with Mike Lodato and would like to file a formal complaint.
Feedback is not being accepted at this time.

I would like to collaborate on a project and/or business opportunity.
Absolutely! Please send me an email.

Ha! I actually only said that because I wanted to give you feedback about my poor experience! Got you.
I knew that you would try this, and that is why I have been secretly poisoning you over the course of several weeks. The only antidote is in a safety deposit box that only I have access to, and I will only open it if you provide positive feedback about your experience with Mike Lodato.

I knew about your poisoning scheme, which is why I have already taken the antidote. Check your safety deposit box, and you’ll fine that it is empty. You should find a better hiding place for the key, Michael.
Christ… Okay. You may provide negative feedback if you wish, but I will not stop tiling my desktop wallpaper. It is the best setting.